Vivid Christianity
Teaching Christians how to live a "vivid" Christian life.


Sex outside of Marriage Is Not Always a Sin


by Dave Root, VividChristianity.com, last modified on 12/17/2024.


Introduction

I was always taught that sex outside of marriage is a sin, but recently the Lord showed me that the situation is not as clear-cut as we think it is.

I've tried to deal with this subject carefully, but please forgive me if anything I say makes you uncomfortable. I don't believe that God cringes at this subject but instead He wants us to know His will, so we should try to set our personal reactions aside in order to seek God's view on the matter. It's important that we don't allow our feelings or assumptions to dictate our beliefs.

After asking the Lord for guidance (see my article called How to Discern God's Guidance), I made a list of every possible sexual scenario I could think of, including threesomes, hookups, throuples, polyamory, "friends with benefits," oral sex, and all of the various forms of touching and fondling, whether nude or clothed, and so on. These are the types of issues that people have asked me about in my online ministry because Christians want to know what's sinful and what's not.

If everything at my website (VividChristianity.com), including this article, says what God wants it to say then He will confirm that for you by doing a miracle. See my home page for the details.


What Does "Fornication" Mean?

The Greek word porneia is translated as "fornication" in many versions of the Bible. The NIV frequently translates it as "sexual immorality," and Young's Literal Translation uses the word "whoredom." This is how it's defined in Greek dictionaries and Bible commentaries:

  • "porneia por-ni'ah from 4203; harlotry (including adultery and incest); figuratively idolatry: - fornication." (Strong's Hebrew and Greek Dictionary)

  • "porneia:
    1) illicit sexual intercourse
       a) adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, intercourse with animals etc.
       b) sexual intercourse with close relatives; Lev. 18
       c) sexual intercourse with a divorced man or woman; Mar 10:11,
    2) metaph. the worship of idols
       a) of the defilement of idolatry, as incurred by eating the sacrifices offered to idols" (The New Testament Greek Lexicon)

  • "porneia...Fornication, lewdness, or any sexual sin" (The Complete Word Study Dictionary of the Old and New Testaments, Dr. Spiros Zodhiates)

  • "Fornication. Chastity was the exception instead of the rule among Gentiles at this period." (People's New Testament commentary, Acts 15:20)

  • "Fornication, all uncleanness of every kind was prohibited; for πορνεια [porneia] not only means fornication, but adultery, incestuous mixtures, and especially the prostitution which was so common at the idol temples, viz. in Cyprus, at the worship of Venus; and the shocking disorders exhibited in the Bacchanalia, Lupercalia, and several others." (Adam Clarke's Commentary on the Bible, Acts 15:20)

  • "and from fornication; not spiritual fornication or idolatry, but fornication taken in a literal sense, for the carnal copulation of one single person with another" (John Gill's Exposition of the Bible, Acts 15:20)

  • "Fornication - Hebrew: zanah / Greek: porneia
    Fornication is voluntary sexual intercourse between a man and woman who are not married to each other. Adultery is one type of fornication.
    In every form, fornication was sternly condemned by the Mosaic law among God's people, the Israelites (Lev. 21:9; 19:29; Deut. 22:20-11, 23-29; 23:18; Ex. 22:16). (See ADULTERY.)
    Fornication is also mentioned many times in the New Testament (Matt. 5:32; 19:9; John 8:41; Acts 15:20, 29; 21:25; Rom. 1:29; 1 Cor 5:1, 6:13, 18, 7:2; 10:8; 2 Cor 12:21; Gal 5:19; Eph 5:3; Col 3:5; 1 Thess. 4:3; Jude 1:7; Rev. 2:14, 20-21; 9:21; 14:8; 17:2,4).
    "The Greek word for 'fornication' (porneia) could include any sexual sin committed after the betrothal contract...In Biblical usage, 'fornication' can mean any sexual congress outside monogamous marriage. It thus includes not only premarital sex, but also adultery, homosexual acts, incest, remarriage after un-Biblical divorce, and sexual acts with animals, all of which are explicitly forbidden in the law as given through Moses (Leviticus 20:10-21). Christ expanded the prohibition against adultery to include even sexual lusting (Matthew 5:28)." (Dr. Henry M. Morris)
    The word "fornication" is sometimes used in a symbolic sense in the Bible, for example, meaning a forsaking of God or a following after idols (Isa. 1:2; Jer. 2:20; Ezek. 16; Hos. 1:2; 2:1-5; Jer. 3:8-9)." (christiananswers.net Offsite Link)


The above quotes are different ways that people have tried to define the Greek word porneia (usually translated as "fornication" or "sexual immorality"), and we can see that different people define it in different ways. Essentially, any sexual act that is sinful in God's eyes could fall under the umbrella of porneia. The Bible says that certain sexual acts are sinful, but it doesn't describe every form of voluntary sexual activity.

For example, imagine a Christian man and woman (both unmarried) on a date and alone together at his place or her place with their emotions and hormones in high gear. If they kiss, is that a sin? If they're fully clothed and they fondle each other, is that a sin? If they take off their clothes and cuddle in bed, is that a sin? If they give each other oral sex, is that a sin? If they use sex toys on each other, is that a sin? The New Testament doesn't mention any of these specific scenarios, and they're not "worldly" issues as people sometimes claim, but instead they're real issues that affect unmarried Christians who are dating.

During my many years of online ministry, I've received a number of emails from unmarried Christians wanting to know where the line is between what's sinful and what's not sinful so that they don't cross the line. If we just tell them that sex before marriage is a sin, one problem with this is that the New Testament does not actually say that sex before marriage is a sin as we'll see. Another problem is that what we're saying is that as long as his penis stays outside of her vagina then they're not having sex outside of marriage, so everything else they do is acceptable. Maybe everything else is acceptable to God and maybe not as we'll see, but if we truly want to honor and obey Him then it's important to do our best to see the full picture, trying to be thorough, objective, and unbiased so that our emotions and assumptions don't affect our discernment.


"Porneia" Passages

As Christians, we are under the New Covenant, which was initiated at the cross (see my article called Covenants, Dispensations, and the Ten Commandments - Part Three). Here are all of the passages after the cross that use the Greek word porneia and its related Greek words (translated in these passages as "fornication" or "whoremonger"):
"Wherefore my sentence is, that we trouble not them, which from among the Gentiles are turned to God: But that we write unto them, that they abstain from pollutions of idols, and from fornication, and from things strangled, and from blood." (Acts 15:19-20 KJV)

"That ye abstain from meats offered to idols, and from blood, and from things strangled, and from fornication: from which if ye keep yourselves, ye shall do well. Fare ye well." (Acts 15:29 KJV)

"As touching the Gentiles which believe, we have written and concluded that they observe no such thing, save only that they keep themselves from things offered to idols, and from blood, and from strangled, and from fornication." (Acts 21:25 KJV)

"And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers" (Romans 1:28-29 KJV)

"It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father's wife." (1 Corinthians 5:1 KJV)

"I wrote unto you in an epistle not to company with fornicators: Yet not altogether with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or with idolaters; for then must ye needs go out of the world. But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat. For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within? But them that are without God judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person." (1 Corinthians 5:9-13 KJV)

"Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God. All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any. Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body." (1 Corinthians 6:9-13 KJV)

"Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's." (1 Corinthians 6:18-20 KJV)

"Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn." (1 Corinthians 7:1-9 KJV)

"Neither let us commit fornication, as some of them committed, and fell in one day three and twenty thousand. Neither let us tempt Christ, as some of them also tempted, and were destroyed of serpents. Neither murmur ye, as some of them also murmured, and were destroyed of the destroyer. Now all these things happened unto them for ensamples: and they are written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the world are come." (1 Corinthians 10:8-11 KJV)

"And lest, when I come again, my God will humble me among you, and that I shall bewail many which have sinned already, and have not repented of the uncleanness and fornication and lasciviousness which they have committed." (2 Corinthians 12:21 KJV)

"Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God." (Galatians 5:19-21 KJV)

"But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks. For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God." (Ephesians 5:3-5 KJV)

"Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry" (Colossians 3:5 KJV)

"For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication" (1 Thessalonians 4:3 KJV)

"Knowing this, that the law is not made for a righteous man, but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and for sinners, for unholy and profane, for murderers of fathers and murderers of mothers, for manslayers, For whoremongers, for them that defile themselves with mankind, for menstealers, for liars, for perjured persons, and if there be any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine" (1 Timothy 1:9-10 KJV)

"Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled; Lest there be any fornicator, or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel of meat sold his birthright." (Hebrews 12:15-16 KJV)

"Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." (Hebrews 13:4 KJV)

"Even as Sodom and Gomorrha, and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication, and going after strange flesh, are set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire." (Jude 1:7 KJV)

"But I have a few things against thee, because thou hast there them that hold the doctrine of Balaam, who taught Balac to cast a stumblingblock before the children of Israel, to eat things sacrificed unto idols, and to commit fornication." (Revelation 2:14 KJV)

"Notwithstanding I have a few things against thee, because thou sufferest that woman Jezebel, which calleth herself a prophetess, to teach and to seduce my servants to commit fornication, and to eat things sacrificed unto idols. And I gave her space to repent of her fornication; and she repented not." (Revelation 2:20-21 KJV)

"And the rest of the men which were not killed by these plagues yet repented not of the works of their hands, that they should not worship devils, and idols of gold, and silver, and brass, and stone, and of wood: which neither can see, nor hear, nor walk: Neither repented they of their murders, nor of their sorceries, nor of their fornication, nor of their thefts." (Revelation 9:20-21 KJV)

"And there followed another angel, saying, Babylon is fallen, is fallen, that great city, because she made all nations drink of the wine of the wrath of her fornication." (Revelation 14:8 KJV)

"And there came one of the seven angels which had the seven vials, and talked with me, saying unto me, Come hither; I will shew unto thee the judgment of the great whore that sitteth upon many waters: With whom the kings of the earth have committed fornication, and the inhabitants of the earth have been made drunk with the wine of her fornication. So he carried me away in the spirit into the wilderness: and I saw a woman sit upon a scarlet coloured beast, full of names of blasphemy, having seven heads and ten horns. And the woman was arrayed in purple and scarlet colour, and decked with gold and precious stones and pearls, having a golden cup in her hand full of abominations and filthiness of her fornication" (Revelation 17:1-4 KJV)

"For all nations have drunk of the wine of the wrath of her fornication, and the kings of the earth have committed fornication with her, and the merchants of the earth are waxed rich through the abundance of her delicacies." (Revelation 18:3 KJV)

"And the kings of the earth, who have committed fornication and lived deliciously with her, shall bewail her, and lament for her, when they shall see the smoke of her burning" (Revelation 18:9 KJV)

"For true and righteous are his judgments: for he hath judged the great whore, which did corrupt the earth with her fornication, and hath avenged the blood of his servants at her hand." (Revelation 19:2 KJV)

"But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death." (Revelation 21:8 KJV)

"Blessed are they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city. For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie." (Revelation 22:14-15 KJV)
These are all of the passages after the cross that use the Greek word porneia and its related Greek words. Later in this article we'll examine some things that Jesus said before the cross about divorce and remarriage.


When Is Sex a Sin?

Clearly the sins described in the previous section are strongly condemned, and therefore we need to be careful that we don't commit those sins. The passages in the previous section refer to "fornication" (KJV) or "sexual immorality" (NIV) in a general sense, without providing many specifics about which sexual activities are immoral and which sexual activities are acceptable. But when Christians are feeling sexual desire for each other, they want to know what's allowed and what's not allowed so that they don't cross the line.

I had difficulty accepting some of the things described below, so the Lord told me that He would confirm the truth of these things with a specific outward sign at a specific time. After I received that sign at the exact time that He had mentioned, for the rest of the day I was inwardly reeling at the miracle and at the implications for this article.

When it comes to sex, the issue is that God is concerned about our relationships. If you examine all of the commands in the Law of Moses and in the New Testament, you'll find that a great number of them deal with our relationships with each other.

After I made a list of every sexual scenario I could think of and went through the list with the Lord, I ended up with a group of scenarios that are sinful and a group of scenarios that are not sinful. It turns out that the scenarios in the "not sinful" group are all in the context of exclusive relationships.

Update on 02/29/2020: The Lord has given me some clarification on what He means concerning exclusive relationships:
If you're legally married to one person then you're both in an exclusive relationship.
If you're engaged to be married (betrothed) to one person then you're both in an exclusive relationship (whether you're living together or apart).
If you're in a loving, committed relationship with one person and neither of you are ever romantically or sexually involved with someone else then you're both in an exclusive relationship (whether you're living together or apart).
The point is that these relationships involve two people who are legally or emotionally bonded together. There are other types of exclusive relationships as well, so if you feel that you're bonded together with someone but your relationship doesn't fit the above descriptions then please ask the Lord about it.

This is the group of sexual scenarios that are not sinful, according to what He told me:

  • If two adults are in an exclusive relationship together (as defined above) then consensual sex is not a sin, including any sexual activities that are not in the sinful category below.

    This means any two adults in an exclusive relationship together. Christians tend to assume that the Bible condemns everything about homosexuality, but the issue is not as simplistic as that (see my article called Homosexuality Is Not Always a Sin).

  • Another scenario involves a form of polyamory in which a married couple agrees that each spouse is allowed to have a romantic and/or sexual relationship with one other person, often because there are unmet emotional or physical needs in the marriage. For example, some married people are physically incapable of having sex due to a debilitating disease or injury. If a married person is in an exclusive type of relationship with another adult (which all parties know about and agree to), then consensual sex is not a sin and is not adultery, including any sexual activities that are not in the sinful category below. The same idea applies to a couple in an exclusive dating/romantic type of relationship if they agree to engage in this form of polyamory.

  • Oral sex, and the use of sex toys, and touching or fondling, whether clothed or not, don't involve sexual intercourse and therefore they are not sex outside of marriage. They're not sinful between two unmarried consenting adults who are not in exclusive relationships, and they're not sinful in the relationships described above, unless those activities are in the sinful group below. But if you're not in an exclusive relationship with the other person then be careful here because these activities can easily cause you or the other person to lose self-control and fall into sin.

  • Masturbation typically involves just one person, but it's a sexual scenario so I've included it here. It's not a sin (see my article called Masturbation Is Not a Sin), but we need to make sure that our masturbation isn't causing any negative impact or harm to us or to anyone else.

  • Birth control is not sinful, but if you have concerns about a specific form of birth control then please ask the Lord for guidance (see my article called How to Discern God's Guidance).


This is the group of sexual scenarios that are sinful, according to what He told me:

  • Adultery is a sin in which one spouse in any form of marriage has any form of sexual activity with someone else, with the exception of the type of polyamory described above.

  • Triads/throuples (three people together), quads (four people together), etc., are in an exclusive relationship with the group, but these and other forms of polyamory (other than described above) are not always acceptable to God. Please seek His guidance about your particular situation (see my article called How to Discern God's Guidance).

  • Prostitution, orgies, hookups, one-night-stands, "friends with benefits," "sex buddies," and so on are sinful because those scenarios are not intended to be exclusive relationships.

  • Threesomes (bringing a third sexual partner into a monogamous marriage or an exclusive relationship) and open marriages (in which both spouses agree that they can have sex with other people) and other forms of consensual non-monogamy that haven't already been mentioned are sinful because there's no intention to have an exclusive relationship with those who are not in the existing relationship.

  • Any form of anal penetration for pleasure or other sexual purposes, whether it involves body parts or anal sex toys or other objects, is a sin (see my article called Homosexuality Is Not Always a Sin).

  • Any form of sexual activity that's illegal is a sin, such as rape, molesting, sex with minors, incest, and so on.


Again, these are things that the Lord told me recently and confirmed in a specific and undeniable way, and therefore I believe these things. The only reason you should believe any of this is if God does the miracle for you as described in the Introduction section.

Sexual sins are strongly condemned in the Bible as we saw. It's very important to be sure that what you're doing is right in the eyes of the Lord because you will be judged based on your beliefs and actions (see my articles called Cheat Sheet #11, Cheat Sheet #12, and Cheat Sheet #13), not based on what I believe, what your pastor believes, or what anyone else believes.


Examining the "Porneia" Passages

The vast majority of the "porneia" passages (27 of the 29 passages shown above) essentially tell us that "fornication" (sexual immorality) is a sin, without providing any specifics. Only two of those passages provide any details:
"It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that even pagans do not tolerate: A man is sleeping with his father's wife. And you are proud! Shouldn't you rather have gone into mourning and have put out of your fellowship the man who has been doing this?" (1 Corinthians 5:1-2)

"Now for the matters you wrote about: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say [lego] this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say [lego]: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. To the married I give this command [paraggello] (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. To the rest I say [lego] this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him." (1 Corinthians 7:1-13)
In 1 Corinthians 5:1-2 (above), the apostle Paul described a form of sexual immorality in which a man was having sex with his father's wife, which was probably the man's step-mother according to various Bible commentaries. For the wife, this was adultery since she was a married woman, and for the man, this was fornication (sexual immorality), according to Paul. Notice that the man and his step-mother were not in an exclusive relationship with each other (as defined in the previous section).

In 1 Corinthians 7:1-7 (above), Paul said that married people should have sexual relations with their spouse to prevent sexual immorality. That section says nothing at all about premarital sex. The entire context of that section concerns the sexual relationship between husbands and wives, fulfilling their marital duty to each other and yielding their bodies to each other in order to avoid adultery (which is a form of porneia as we saw in the definitions earlier). On the surface we might assume that this excludes all forms of polyamory, but nothing in all of Paul's writings gives the impression that he ever considered the concept of polyamory. It's certainly possible that he did not have such a concept in mind (see his use of the Greek word lego two paragraphs below) and was not intending to forbid it in this passage. Again, some married people are physically incapable of having sex due to a debilitating disease or injury, so there are scenarios in which polyamory is acceptable (described in the previous section).

In 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 (above), Paul was speaking about unmarried people when he said, "if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." Until recently I thought that this means that if two unmarried people are burning with passion for each other then they're only allowed to have sex if they get married. I asked the Lord how can this possibly be reconciled with what He told me in the previous section, and He pointed out two things in this passage.

First, He pointed out that sometimes in 1 Corinthians 7:1-13 (above) Paul said that he was giving his own opinion, and in each case he used the Greek word lego ("I say"). Once in that passage Paul said that he was not giving his own opinion, he was giving a command from the Lord. In this case, he used the Greek word paraggello ("I give this command"). So when Paul said, "if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (1 Corinthians 7:9, above), he was giving his own thoughts on the matter. Certainly Paul's opinions carry great weight and are recorded as Scripture, but he was careful to make it clear that this is not a command from the Lord. He specifically said that this was his opinion.

Second, the Lord prompted me to look at 1 Corinthians 7:9 (above) in different translations of the Bible, and to look up the Greek word for "burn." It turns out that in the original Greek, 1 Corinthians 7:9 ends with, "for it is better to marry than to burn." The idea of burning "with passion" was added by the NIV translators. In addition, the Greek word for "burn" in that passage means "Figuratively, to burn, be inflamed as with anger, to be incensed (2Co 11:29); with lust (1Co 7:9)" (The Complete Word Study Dictionary of the Old and New Testaments, Dr. Spiros Zodhiates, puroo, emphasis added). So Paul was not specifically referring to two unmarried people who are burning with passion for each other (as I had thought because of what the NIV says), but instead he was referring to any unmarried person who is burning with sexual desire or lust. Such a person might be tempted to indulge in some form of sexual immorality, such as going to a prostitute. Paul then gave his own opinion that being married would allow the person to have sex without sinning. Notice that this is a true statement even if there are other ways of having sex without sinning.

Most Christians seem to feel that premarital sex is a sin, but what we've seen is that the New Testament never actually says that. For example, how do we know that adultery is a form of sexual immorality? We know this because the New Testament tells us that it's a sin (e.g., Galatians 5:19-21). How do we know that prostitution is a form of sexual immorality? We know this because the New Testament tells us that it's a sin (e.g., 1 Corinthians 6:15-18). Yet the New Testament does not tell us that premarital sex is a sin. Essentially (as we saw earlier), any sexual act that is sinful in God's eyes would be a form of porneia (usually translated as "fornication" or "sexual immorality"). Therefore, when the New Testament talks about "fornication" or "sexual immorality," it's referring to any sinful type of sexual activity, even though it doesn't explicitly describe all possible sexual activities that are sinful. This is one reason why we need to know how to discern the Lord's guidance, to ensure that we don't commit sexual sins (see my article called How to Discern God's Guidance). There are certain commands concerning sex in the Old Covenant, but it's very important to understand the distinction between commands under the Old Covenant and commands under the New Covenant because the commands under the Old Covenant do not apply to anyone today (see my article called Covenants, Dispensations, and the Ten Commandments - Part Three).


This is another one of the "porneia" passages that people assume is denouncing premarital sex (shown here in several Bible translations). Notice that the NIV translation of 1 Corinthians 7:36-38 has a very different meaning than most of the other English translations of the Bible such as the ones shown here:
"If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin - this man also does the right thing. So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better." (1 Corinthians 7:36-38 NIV)

"But if any man thinks he is behaving improperly toward his virgin, if she is past the flower of youth, and thus it must be, let him do what he wishes. He does not sin; let them marry. Nevertheless he who stands steadfast in his heart, having no necessity, but has power over his own will, and has so determined in his heart that he will keep his virgin, does well. So then he who gives her in marriage does well, but he who does not give her in marriage does better." (1 Corinthians 7:36-38 NKJV)

"and if any one doth think it to be unseemly to his virgin, if she may be beyond the bloom of age, and it ought so to be, what he willeth let him do; he doth not sin - let him marry. And he who hath stood stedfast in the heart - not having necessity - and hath authority over his own will, and this he hath determined in his heart - to keep his own virgin - doth well; so that both he who is giving in marriage doth well, and he who is not giving in marriage doth better." (1 Corinthians 7:36-38 YLT)

"But if any man thinketh that he behaveth himself unseemly toward his virgin daughter, if she be past the flower of her age, and if need so requireth, let him do what he will; he sinneth not; let them marry. But he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power as touching his own will, and hath determined this in his own heart, to keep his own virgin daughter, shall do well. So then both he that giveth his own virgin daughter in marriage doeth well; and he that giveth her not in marriage shall do better." (1 Corinthians 7:36-38 ASV)
The NIV frequently paraphrases Scripture passages into modern English, and it gives the impression that the above passage is referring to two people who are engaged to each other. The problem is that the original Greek does not refer to the virgin that "he is engaged to," and it does not say "if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry." It also does not say "he who marries the virgin does right" because the Greek word means "gives in marriage" (not "marries"). Those are all just paraphrases by the NIV translators that give a false impression, as we can clearly see in numerous non-paraphrased translations of that passage such as the ones shown above (see more translations, some paraphrased and some not, at biblegateway.com Offsite Link). You can verify for yourself what the Greek actually says at Interlinear Study Bible - 1 Corinthians 7 Offsite Link (scroll down to verses 36-38). In addition, notice what various Bible scholars say about the above passage:
"But if any parent think he should otherwise act indecently - Unbecoming his character. Toward his virgin daughter, if she be above age, (or of full age,) and need so require, 1Co 7:9, let them marry - Her suitor and she." (John Wesley's Notes on the Bible, 1 Corinthians 7:36)

"Behaveth himself uncomely (ἀσχημονεῖν)
Acts unbecomingly, either by throwing temptation in the daughter's way by constraining her to remain unmarried, or by exposing her to the disgrace which was supposed to attach to the unmarried state. But Paul, in his preceding words, has regarded the latter consideration as set aside by the peculiar circumstances of the time.
His virgin (τὴν παρθένον αὐτοῦ)
Rev. properly inserts daughter. It is an unusual expression for daughter. Xenophon uses it with the word θυγάτηρ daughter ("Cyropaedia," iv., 6, 9), and Oedipus speaks of his two daughters as my maidens (Sophocles, "Oedipus Tyrannus," 1462)
Pass the flower of her age (ᾐ ὑπέρακμος)
Rev., correctly, be past. Beyond the bloom of life. Plato fixes the point at twenty years ("Republic," 460). Diogenes Laertius says: "An undowered maiden is a heavy burden to a father after she has outrun the flower of her age" ("Lycon," v., 65)
Let them marry
Evidently there was assumed to be another in the case beside the father and the virgin." (Vincent's Word Studies in the New Testament, 1 Corinthians 7:36)

"Paul has discussed the problem of marriage for virgins on the grounds of expediency. Now he faces the question where the daughter wishes to marry and there is no serious objection to it. The father is advised to consent. Roman and Greek fathers had the control of the marriage of their daughters. "My marriage is my father's care; it is not for me to decide about that" (Hermione in Euripides' Andromache, 987)." (Robertson's Word Pictures in the New Testament, 1 Corinthians 7:36)

"But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin daughter. While giving a judgment in favor of the unmarried state, at that time, he gives full liberty. A man may give his daughter in marriage.
Behaveth uncomely. Improperly in withholding her from marriage.
If she pass the flower of her age. If she is fully matured.
If need so require. If circumstances of any kind seem to require her marriage.
He that standeth steadfast . . having no necessity. If no need makes marriage necessary, and the purpose that she remain unmarried continues steadfast, he does well to let her remain so. To choose either course is well, but the last is the better, where circumstances permit (1Co 7:38), on account of the "distress" (1Co 7:26)." (The People's New Testament commentary, 1 Corinthians 7:36-38)

"behaveth ... uncomely - is not treating his daughter well in leaving her unmarried beyond the flower of her age, and thus debarring her from the lawful gratification of her natural feeling as a marriageable woman.
need so require - if the exigencies of the case require it; namely, regard to the feelings and welfare of his daughter. Opposed to "having no necessity" (1Co 7:37).
let them marry - the daughter and her suitor." (Jamieson, Fausset, and Brown Commentary, 1 Corinthians 7:36)

"That he behaveth himself uncomely - Acts an unbecoming part, imposes an unnecessary, painful, and improper constraint, crosses her inclinations which are in them selves proper.
Toward his virgin - His daughter, or his ward, or any unmarried female committed to his care.
If she pass the flower of her age - If she pass the marriageable age and remains unmarried. It is well known that in the east it was regarded as especially dishonorable to remain unmarried; and the authority of a father, therefore, might be the means of involving his daughter in shame and disgrace. When this would be the case, it would be wrong to prohibit her marriage." (Albert Barnes' Notes on the Whole Bible, 1 Corinthians 7:36)

"The bridegroom view [i.e., the NIV translation], however, faces a lexical difficulty in the meaning of two verbs (gameo and gamizo) for marriage. In order to sustain the bridegroom [NIV] view it is necessary to understand the terms as virtual synonyms, meaning "to marry." But gamizo usually means "give in marriage," and gameo means simply "marry," as these words do in the other New Testament passages where they occur together (Mat 24:38; Mar 12:25). This distinction in meaning continued to be recognized even in the second century. (Apollonius Dyscolus Syntax 3. 153). So it seems that the marginal reading is to be preferred [i.e., all of the other translations above].
Paul, then, gave advice to a father who in the first-century culture exercised great decision-making authority in matters affecting his family. A father may have decided that his daughter should not marry, possibly due to reasons similar to those Paul had mentioned in 1Co 7:25-34." (The Bible Knowledge Commentary, Walvoord and Zuck, Dallas Theological Seminary, 1 Corinthians 7:36-38, comments added in square brackets)
As we can see in many translations of the Bible and in comments by Bible scholars, when people use 1 Corinthians 7:36-38 to argue that premarital sex is a sin, they're basing that on the misleading paraphrases in the NIV.


At What Point Are Two People Married in God's Eyes?

Many Christians believe that sex outside of marriage is a sin, but what do two people need to do in order to actually be married? It's important that we determine what marriage is in order to determine what sex outside of marriage is. It seems that most of us just assume that if a man and a woman have a Christian wedding in a church then they're married in God's eyes, but that's not what the Bible says.

Some people claim that a man and a woman are married when they first have sex together because the Bible says that "the two will become one flesh":
"Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh."" (1 Corinthians 6:16)
The statement that "the two will become one flesh" originally comes from the account of Adam and Eve in Genesis 2:24. Before the cross, Jesus lived His entire life under the Old Covenant, and He quoted that statement under the Old Covenant (Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7-8). The apostle Paul quoted that statement under the New Covenant (1 Corinthians 6:16, Ephesians 5:31). Therefore, "the two will become one flesh" has been applicable throughout all of human history.

In the Old Testament, King David had concubines and wives (2 Samuel 5:13), and King Solomon had seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines (1 Kings 11:3). Kings had sex with their concubines, yet those concubines were not wives. In other words, having sex with a concubine did not turn the concubine into a wife. They remained concubines, and they remained separate from the king's wives in the Bible. Sex by itself does not equal marriage in the Bible.

So what are the requirements in order to be married in God's eyes? Here are some things to consider:

  • The New Testament never says that we must get married in a church, and there are no examples of any church weddings in the New Testament, and no one in the New Testament was ever chastised for not getting married in a church. Therefore, a church wedding has no bearing on whether or not two people are married in God's eyes.

  • The New Testament never provides us with a specific wedding ceremony, and it never commands us to perform any wedding rituals, and it never tells us what we must say or do in a wedding ceremony, in order to be married in God's eyes.

  • In the New Testament we see some Jewish wedding banquets (such as the wedding where Jesus turned the water into wine in John 2:1-10), but the New Testament never tells anyone to follow ancient Jewish marriage customs.

  • Paul wrote to Gentile (non-Jewish) Christians around the known world and discussed marriage without specifying how it must be accomplished (e.g., 1 Corinthians 7, Ephesians 5:22-33). This indicates that God accepts the various marriage laws and customs in different countries because the New Testament tells us to obey the local laws (e.g., Romans 13:1-7).


In the following passage (and in Mark 10:6-9), Jesus gave us the only description in the New Testament of how to be married in God's eyes (repeated by Paul in Ephesians 5:31):
""Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."" (Matthew 19:4-6)
Jesus was partly quoting from Genesis 2:22-24, which gives us the reason why marriage is between one man and one woman:
"Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man." That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." (Genesis 2:22-24)
The above passage essentially says that a husband and wife complete each other in some sense, although Paul said that there's nothing wrong with remaining unmarried:
"Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry." (1 Corinthians 7:1)

"I [the apostle Paul] wish that all men were as I am [unmarried]. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am." (1 Corinthians 7:7-8)

"I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs - how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world - how he can please his wife - and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world - how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord." (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)
Paul also gave us another important requirement for marriage:
"A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord." (1 Corinthians 7:39)
Based on the above passages, these are the requirements in order to be married in God's eyes, as you'll find in other articles online:

  1. Marriage in God's eyes is between male and female, a man and a woman. This is the only way to achieve the "one flesh" union spoken of in several places throughout the Bible. A man and a woman are able to unite together in the flesh by sexually consummating the relationship, two halves becoming one flesh, in a way that's impossible for two men or two women to do. However, this does not mean that homosexuality is a sin or that God forbids gays from having a legal marriage (see my article called Homosexuality Is Not Always a Sin).

  2. A man must have only one wife at a time, and a woman must have only one husband at a time. Even though King David and King Solomon had many wives as we saw, this doesn't mean it was proper for them to do so (e.g., Deuteronomy 17:17).

  3. Marriage is meant to last for a lifetime because the man and woman become one flesh, and "what God has joined together, let no one separate" (Matthew 19:4-6, above). We'll look at divorce and remarriage later in this article.

  4. Christians are free to marry whomever they want (following the other requirements listed here) as long as the other person is a Christian, and it doesn't matter if the man or the woman has been widowed before.

  5. We must obey our local laws as in Romans 13:1-7, except where they would cause us to violate God's commands. Therefore, the man and woman must be legally married according to their local laws or customs, even if it's a Justice of the Peace marriage or a common law marriage (if they live in a place where common law marriage is legal).

  6. The man and woman need to go off and form a new and separate household unit together, representing themselves as husband and wife (Genesis 2:24, above). For example, if they meet the other requirements (above), but they live with one of their parents for awhile, they need to find a way to be their own household unit with their own "house rules."


These are the requirements for being married in God's eyes based on the information that we're given in the New Testament. After a couple is married, other passages provide guidance on how to have a proper and healthy Christian marriage, but those are beyond the scope of the discussion here.

As you'll find elsewhere online, the New Testament never says that wedding rings or similar customs are necessary, or that a church wedding is necessary, or that any specific vows are necessary, or that the marriage must be blessed by someone in authority in a church. Concerning vows, this article makes a strong case for rethinking the idea of wedding vows and other oaths or pledges: Oaths, Vows, Pledges, and Sovereignty Offsite Link.

Consider that Christians are told to take pains to do what is right in the eyes of others (e.g., Romans 12:17, 2 Corinthians 8:20-21, 1 Thessalonians 4:12, 1 Timothy 5:14, 6:1, Titus 2:4-8, 1 Peter 2:12). Therefore, it's good for Christians to have a church wedding, even though it's not a requirement.


Divorce and Remarriage

I've been a Bible teacher for many years, and one thing I've always noticed is that most Christians, including numerous pastors and Bible teachers, don't understand the distinction between the Old Covenant and the New Covenant. After Moses led the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt, God made a covenant (a contract, which we call the Old Covenant) between Himself and the Jews, and beginning in Exodus 19 He gave them 613 commandments to follow (which the Bible refers to as the Law of Moses). When Jesus died on the cross, He completely canceled the Old Covenant and the Law, and initiated the New Covenant. This means that Jesus and all other Jews were required to obey the Old Covenant and the Law until Jesus' death. So even though Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John are New Testament books, everything that they describe (before the cross) took place under the Old Covenant, and many things that Jesus said were only applicable under the Old Covenant. My article called Covenants, Dispensations, and the Ten Commandments - Part Three explains all of that in scriptural detail.

Therefore, when Jesus spoke to the Jews about divorce and remarriage in the passages below, we need to determine whether those were Old Covenant teachings (which were canceled at the cross), or whether He was speaking of the future New Covenant:
"It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery." (Matthew 5:31-32)

"Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery."" (Matthew 19:3-9)

"Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" "What did Moses command you?" he replied. They said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away." "It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law," Jesus replied. "But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.' 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery."" (Mark 10:2-12)

"The Pharisees, who loved money, heard all this and were sneering at Jesus. He said to them, "You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of others, but God knows your hearts. What people value highly is detestable in God's sight. The Law and the Prophets were proclaimed until John. Since that time, the good news of the kingdom of God is being preached, and everyone is forcing their way into it. It is easier for heaven and earth to disappear than for the least stroke of a pen to drop out of the Law. Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery."" (Luke 16:14-18)
As you can see online, in the first century there was a big debate among the Pharisees about divorce, based on the Old Covenant commands (i.e., the Law of Moses). The school of Hillel said one thing, and the school of Shammai said another thing, and the Pharisees tried to trap Jesus into committing Himself to one school or the other by testing His views on divorce. That's the background for all four passages (above) where Jesus spoke about divorce and remarriage. He was speaking about what was allowed or not allowed under the Old Covenant and the Law of Moses, all of which was completely canceled at the cross and has no bearing on anyone after the cross (see my article above).

Under the New Covenant, which is what Christians are required to obey, 1 Corinthians 7:8-16 (below) is the only passage on divorce and remarriage after the cross. Starting in verse 12 in that passage, Paul talked about a Christian husband or wife who is married to a non-Christian, so before that he was talking about two Christians who are married to each other:
"Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?" (1 Corinthians 7:8-16)
The authors of the books of the Bible usually did not give us precise details about every possible scenario that we might encounter (as I try to do), but instead they often spoke indirectly or gave us just a few details. For example, Paul said in the above passage that if a wife divorces her husband then she's not allowed to marry someone else. But if she had already divorced her husband and remarried before she learned about the above passage, can she stay remarried or must she get a second divorce? Paul didn't address that scenario (I'll address it below). What if her husband had divorced her, can she remarry? Paul didn't address that scenario (I'll address it below). Paul went on to say that a husband must not divorce his wife. But if he had already divorced his wife before he learned about the above passage, can he remarry? Paul didn't address that scenario (I'll address it below). Again, the authors of the Bible often spoke indirectly or gave us just a few details and left it up to us to discern the spirit of what they meant. In 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 (the first highlighted part above), the spirit of Paul's words would be that if two married Christians get divorced then they must not marry anyone else.

Many Christians seem to be convinced that the apostle Paul said that not everyone has the gift of celibacy (as Paul did), so if two people are burning with passion for each other then they need to get married because that's the only way they can get their sexual needs met without sinning (1 Corinthians 7:1-13, above). Yet in the above passage, Paul said that if two married Christians get divorced then they must not marry anyone else. This means that they can never get their sexual needs met without sinning, according to the view that many Christians seem to have. God does not allow those two divorced Christians to get their sexual needs met in another marriage, but if you will ask Him to confirm it for you then you'll see that He does allow them to get their sexual needs met in a different type of exclusive relationship as described earlier in this article (such as being engaged but never married). As I've said before, it constantly amazes me that Christians don't bother asking God for the proper interpretation of Scripture or they don't know how to discern what He tells them.

Concerning divorce and remarriage, imagine a Christian woman and a Christian man who are married to each other (let's call them Alice and Bob). Whether or not they were Christians when they got married, here are the possible scenarios that might apply to them:

  1. Neither has ever been married before. In this case, the fact that Alice and Bob are now married is not a sin.

  2. Alice and Bob both became Christians after they got married. In this case, the fact that they are now married is not a sin because whatever they did as non-Christians (such as being divorced) was forgiven when they became Christians.

  3. Alice and/or Bob was a Christian who was married to a Christian, and they got divorced. In this case, the fact that Alice and Bob are now married is a sin (based on the spirit of 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, above). They need to ask for forgiveness and then they are forgiven, but they do not need to get divorced because that would be a sin according to 1 Corinthians 7:8-16 (above).

  4. Alice and/or Bob was a Christian who was married to a non-Christian, and they got divorced. This scenario has two possibilities:

    • The non-Christian spouse wanted a divorce. In this case, the fact that Alice and Bob are now married is a not sin (assuming that point #3 does not apply to them) based on the spirit of 1 Corinthians 7:15 (above).

    • The non-Christian spouse did not want a divorce. In this case, the fact that Alice and Bob are now married is a sin (based on the spirit of 1 Corinthians 7:12-13, above). Alice and Bob need to ask for forgiveness and then they are forgiven, but they do not need to get divorced because that would be a sin according to 1 Corinthians 7:8-16 (above).

  5. Alice and/or Bob was previously widowed. This scenario has two possibilities that aren't covered in the other points:

    • When Alice and Bob got married, they were both Christians or they were both non-Christians. In this case, the fact that they are now married is not a sin (assuming that point #3 does not apply to them) based on the spirit of 1 Corinthians 7:39.

    • When Alice and Bob got married, whoever was widowed was a Christian and the other was a non-Christian. In this case, the fact that Alice and Bob are now married is a sin (based on the spirit of 1 Corinthians 7:39). The widowed Christian needs to ask for forgiveness and then he or she is forgiven, but they do not need to get divorced because that would be a sin according to 1 Corinthians 7:8-16 (above).

  6. (In addition, if a Christian is married to a non-Christian, then the spirit of one of the above points will apply to the Christian spouse.)


When a Christian gets divorced and remarried, there's not a single passage after the cross which says that the new marriage is not legitimate in God's eyes, and there's not a single passage after the cross which tells remarried Christians to get divorced. Keep in mind that if Christians knowingly disobey 1 Corinthians 7:10-13 (above) by getting married, they are likely to receive discipline from the Lord, just as any parent would discipline their children (e.g., Hebrews 12:5-11, Revelation 3:19).

The above points apply to Christians who are married, and I had expected that these would also apply to the other forms of exclusive relationships that I described earlier, but the Lord is telling me that these points only apply to a marriage between a man and a woman. So a divorced and unmarried Christian can be in one of the other exclusive relationships described earlier and get their sexual needs met without sinning. We've seen that God doesn't recognize a legal marriage between two men or two women, so the above points don't apply to gays or lesbians and they are not sinning by being legally married (even if they were previously divorced). As always, it's very important that you verify this with the Lord for yourself, don't just rely on what I say or what anyone else says (see my article called How to Discern God's Guidance).

For an in-depth study of what the Bible says about divorce and remarriage, see Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible and in the Church Offsite Link. That website is not the easiest to navigate, so here's a link to some summaries of his conclusions: Questions and Problems about Divorce and Remarriage Offsite Link.


Conclusion

I had originally thought that this article was going to show from Scripture that premarital sex is a sin. I had no idea that the Lord was going to take this article in such an unexpected direction.

Over the many years that I've been in online ministry, a number of Christians have asked me how to avoid committing sexual immorality. In other words, they want to know where's the line between what's acceptable and what's sinful so that they can avoid crossing the line. Since the New Testament doesn't specifically address most of the sexual scenarios that people might be interested in, we can't really give a biblical definition of which scenarios would be crossing the line. Therefore, my advice to people was to avoid getting anywhere near the line before marriage, and that way they're less likely to cross the line.

However, I came to realize that this advice really isn't all that helpful when two Christians are on a date and alone together, with their hormones and emotions riding high. In a situation like that it's very easy to get carried away. But if those two Christians have a clear idea of what's sinful and what's not sinful before they're alone together, this increases the chances that they'll make proper choices even in the heat of passion.

Whether or not two people use birth control, and whether or not they practice safe sex, and whether or not a child is conceived, those are important issues to consider before having sex, but they have nothing to do with whether or not two people are committing a sin in the way that they have sex (which is the focus of this article).

Let me repeat what I said earlier. The sexual scenarios described as being sinful or not sinful in this article are something that the Lord told me recently, and that He confirmed for me in a specific and undeniable way, and therefore I believe these things. The only reason you should believe any of this is if God does the miracle for you as described in the Introduction section. Our fallible human brains don't always properly interpret what we read in the Bible, and God is the only One who knows the true meaning of every Scripture passage. It constantly amazes me that Christians don't bother asking God for the proper interpretation of Scripture or they don't know how to discern what He tells them (for help with that, see my article called How to Discern God's Guidance).

When people email me to comment on this article, not a single person has ever indicated that they asked the Lord about it as I've said to do a number of times throughout the article. They're all just leaning on their own understanding and trusting in their own interpretations in violation of the spirit of passages such as Proverbs 3:5-6 and 28:26. Why would Christians do that? Why would they treat the Lord that way?

Sexual sins are strongly condemned in the Bible as we saw. It's very important to be sure that what you're doing is right in the eyes of the Lord because you will be judged based on your beliefs and actions (see my articles called Cheat Sheet #11, Cheat Sheet #12, and Cheat Sheet #13), not based on what I believe, what your pastor believes, or what anyone else believes.


For the glory of the Lord Jesus, the Christ, the Son of God, who came in the flesh, was delivered over to death for our sins, and was raised to life for our justification.

Dave Root
home page and email: https://www.vividchristianity.com

"Therefore I want you to know that no one who is speaking by the Spirit of God says, "Jesus be cursed," and no one can say, "Jesus is Lord," except by the Holy Spirit." (1 Corinthians 12:3)

"Who is the liar? It is whoever denies that Jesus is the Christ. Such a person is the antichrist - denying the Father and the Son. No one who denies the Son has the Father; whoever acknowledges the Son has the Father also." (1 John 2:22-23)

"If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God." (1 John 4:15)

"Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in the world." (1 John 4:1-3)

"And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love. I say this because many deceivers, who do not acknowledge Jesus Christ as coming in the flesh, have gone out into the world. Any such person is the deceiver and the antichrist." (2 John 1:6-7)

"He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification." (Romans 4:25)
 
 
Modification History

  • 12/17/2024 - Added a paragraph in the Conclusion section.

  • 07/06/2024 - Added an update in the Introduction section.

  • 06/02/2024 - Modified the next-to-last paragraph in the Conclusion section.

  • 03/15/2024 - Modified the section called "Examining the "Porneia" Passages." Modified the section called "Divorce and Remarriage." Added a paragraph in the Conclusion section.

  • 03/11/2024 - Slightly modified the section called ""Porneia" Passages." Added a section called "Divorce and Remarriage."

  • 01/16/2024 - Modified most of the bullet points in the group of sexual scenarios that are not sinful in the section called "When Is Sex a Sin?" Modified some of the bullet points in the group of sexual scenarios that are sinful in the section called "When Is Sex a Sin?" Slightly modified my comments on 1 Corinthians 7:1-7 in the section called "Examining the "Porneia" Passages."

  • 10/12/2023 - Combined two updates from 2020 for clarity in the section called "When Is Sex a Sin?" Added some links to my article called "Cheat Sheet."

  • 03/26/2023 - Slightly modified the second bullet point in the group of sexual scenarios that are not sinful. Slightly modified my comments on 1 Corinthians 7:1-13 in the section called "Examining the "Porneia" Passages."

  • 02/24/2023 - Modified the section called "What Does "Fornication" Mean?" Modified the section called "When Is Sex a Sin?" Modified the section called "At What Point Are Two People Married in God's Eyes?"

  • 10/11/2022 - Modified the section called "What Does "Fornication" Mean?" Modified the section called "When Is Sex a Sin?" Modified the section called "Examining the "Porneia" Passages." Modified the Conclusion section.

  • 09/15/2022 - Modified the Introduction section.

  • 08/18/2022 - Modified the section called "What Does "Fornication" Mean?" Modified the section called ""Porneia" Passages."

  • 07/23/2022 - Modified my closing statement.

  • 06/12/2022 - Modified the first paragraph and added a link to my article called "Homosexuality Is Not Always a Sin" in the section called "At What Point Are Two People Married in God's Eyes?"

  • 03/24/2022 - Added a link to my article called "How to Discern God's Guidance" in the Introduction and Conclusion sections.

  • 11/03/2021 - Made the font size a bit bigger and added a fish symbol as a favicon (which is displayed in the browser tab).

  • 07/28/2021 - Added links to my new article called "Homosexuality Is Not Always a Sin."

  • 07/15/2021 - Updated the section called "When Is Sex a Sin?" to say that anal penetration for sexual purposes, whether it involves body parts or other objects, is a sin. Added a new section called "At What Point Are Two People Married in God's Eyes?"

  • 02/21/2021 - Shortened my updates.

  • 02/29/2020 - Added another update about the meaning of exclusive relationships.

  • 02/22/2020 - Added an update about the meaning of exclusive relationships, although it still doesn't feel complete yet.

  • 02/11/2020 - New article.